[10/11/2008 10:56:46 PM] 213' says: nesum dlujen da ti kazvam nishto
[10/11/2008 10:56:54 PM] 213' says: i nqmam jelanieto da ti kazvam nishto
[10/11/2008 10:57:21 PM] 213' says: obshtuvai s hora koito saumqvat da zaebavat vsi4ko i vseki za edna ********
[10/11/2008 10:57:42 PM] 213' says: a posledstviqta si ostavat v nebitieto
[10/11/2008 10:57:47 PM] 213' says: zashtoto nqma koi da gi prieme
[10/11/2008 11:00:47 PM] 213' says: edinstvenoto koeto uspq da napravish e da po9mognesh na 2-ma da vidqt liceto na 3-ti
[10/11/2008 11:01:18 PM] 213' says: i 1-niq da uformi barikada a drugiq da buide totalno uzada4en
[10/11/2008 11:01:39 PM] 213' says: kakto iskai taka me razbirai
[10/11/2008 11:01:48 PM] 213' says: ako iskash obqsnenie potursi si re4nika
[10/11/2008 11:02:12 PM] 213' says: toi e totalno oglupql i shte prevejda
[10/11/2008 11:02:34 PM] 213' says: ama ako iskash da razberesh kakvo pishe mejdu redovete shte odarish na kamuk
[10/11/2008 11:02:43 PM] 213' says: zashtoto prekaleno mn vnimanie ti oburnah
[10/11/2008 11:02:58 PM] 213' says: vnimanie koeto ne zaslujavash sled kato mi se izpliu v liceto
[10/11/2008 11:03:03 PM] 213' says: i ne za tova koeto si mislish
[10/11/2008 11:03:41 PM] 213' says: ne pri4inata e citiram " az vinagi sum se radvala 4e ti si bil s nas (radinka i rebusa)"
[10/11/2008 11:04:05 PM] 213' says: kolkoto i obiden da sum mu nego go obi4am kato brat i mu vqrvam oshte po slqpo ot brat
[10/11/2008 11:04:54 PM] 213' says: a ti si samo ******ka za devstveni ukrainci koito nqkoi den shte asimilirat 4e ima po-vajni neshta ot edna ******* a tova sa priqtelite koito vina gi shte go podkrepqt
[10/11/2008 11:04:58 PM] 213' says: i go podkrepqt
[10/11/2008 11:07:42 PM] 213' says: i ves pak mislq 4e postupih korektno kato ne pravih sceni pred teb i ostanalite a samo se otdrupnah v strani i ignorirah vtren4enoto ti libido
[10/11/2008 11:07:55 PM] 213' says: ne o4akvam otgovor i ne go iskam
[10/11/2008 11:08:03 PM] 213' says: tova e monolog ne dialog
[10/11/2008 11:08:03 PM] 213' says: !!!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
SVB
It’s not easy to find the right paper or the right time to go back in the day, where everything was a possibility, everything had a grand design. Last night I was asked to sum myself up in 5 “most important” points. Truth be told that is the hardest thing that has ever happened to me in a very long time. To face how empty and unexciting your small world is not very pleasant. It leaves a strange mixture of numbness and fear quite common for me.
As I understand it, there is no way on the world that there could be two truths about life and its cravings. Being a simple, sad and lonely creature is very pathetic combination, but what happens if one has forgotten what it’s like too drink thirstily from life as it is if it’s one’s last minute? Like that the truth about one’s life goes to waist it simply disappears. No sound, no movement, no fracture. It slips away between exciting episodes, movies, music and most importantly ignorance. The only thing left behind is the thirst for life. It feels like it has been never there, never known or loved. And yet strangely comforting comes the thought that the passions of others can and will most certainly fill the enormous void in one’s soul.
That doesn’t happen. Ever.
So you might ask what’s left for that lonely goner who so effortlessly submitted themselves to the apathy as the ugliest form of fear. Well, what’s left is that never perfect sheet of paper that comes to them it the dead of night and the desperate need to find fire, to tattoo themselves with a phoenix feather thinking it will remind them of the courage and the small magic of life inside them. They go on with the general hope that everything is going to be an O.K. They hide behind it to keep the brighter more important struggle to find the person within again, safely covered up. They know that love wont give them the ability to feel hole again, they know that accomplishment will only blind them to the emptiness the let themselves be, and they also know that this sheet of imperfect paper will take them as they are. However hectic and badly composed that might be.
Those sad people look at others and have them measured up easily. You can recognize them by the darkness of their eyes, empty form the ever present on their lips smile. Those people will be there for you no matter how crazy your requests are, no matter how ugly your egoism is. They will look for your inner truth and when they find it they will take it as it is – no questions asked, no answers given. They might laugh at you, they might praise you, but no matter how strong the extremity, it all comes from the void they have inside them.
I wish to think that now you wonder how bad those people screwed-up, how seriously they take themselves. And that secret wish gives me the right to tell you – they are simply not. All prophesies and wisdom in the world cannot fill them with a sense of self and takes away the nature of the human being. The arrogance takes place and the game of keeping their emptiness hidden gets really, I mean really ugly. They would go above and beyond to make think there is something special, quiet and worth your efforts to be found in their shell. But don’t feel bad for them, they find plenty of remedies for their “Syndrome of the Big Void”.
Year by year the SBV struggles to take over their poor bodies and their helpless minds and year by year those sad people find a new remedy – something to wake them up. Last year it was a big splash of power across the mountains (there was fire and houses ruined and songs forgotten and melodies lost and words bitten back, deep at the back of the throat). This year they have just taken up an unconventional job – to do for someone else what they can’t do for themselves – find that essence that brings them to life and then takes it back. May be that will help awaken their memories and take their souls away from the dusty shelves of that forgotten land they see all around, may be that will make the five points in their list burn with vibrant colors again….
SVB 01.07.08 RR
As I understand it, there is no way on the world that there could be two truths about life and its cravings. Being a simple, sad and lonely creature is very pathetic combination, but what happens if one has forgotten what it’s like too drink thirstily from life as it is if it’s one’s last minute? Like that the truth about one’s life goes to waist it simply disappears. No sound, no movement, no fracture. It slips away between exciting episodes, movies, music and most importantly ignorance. The only thing left behind is the thirst for life. It feels like it has been never there, never known or loved. And yet strangely comforting comes the thought that the passions of others can and will most certainly fill the enormous void in one’s soul.
That doesn’t happen. Ever.
So you might ask what’s left for that lonely goner who so effortlessly submitted themselves to the apathy as the ugliest form of fear. Well, what’s left is that never perfect sheet of paper that comes to them it the dead of night and the desperate need to find fire, to tattoo themselves with a phoenix feather thinking it will remind them of the courage and the small magic of life inside them. They go on with the general hope that everything is going to be an O.K. They hide behind it to keep the brighter more important struggle to find the person within again, safely covered up. They know that love wont give them the ability to feel hole again, they know that accomplishment will only blind them to the emptiness the let themselves be, and they also know that this sheet of imperfect paper will take them as they are. However hectic and badly composed that might be.
Those sad people look at others and have them measured up easily. You can recognize them by the darkness of their eyes, empty form the ever present on their lips smile. Those people will be there for you no matter how crazy your requests are, no matter how ugly your egoism is. They will look for your inner truth and when they find it they will take it as it is – no questions asked, no answers given. They might laugh at you, they might praise you, but no matter how strong the extremity, it all comes from the void they have inside them.
I wish to think that now you wonder how bad those people screwed-up, how seriously they take themselves. And that secret wish gives me the right to tell you – they are simply not. All prophesies and wisdom in the world cannot fill them with a sense of self and takes away the nature of the human being. The arrogance takes place and the game of keeping their emptiness hidden gets really, I mean really ugly. They would go above and beyond to make think there is something special, quiet and worth your efforts to be found in their shell. But don’t feel bad for them, they find plenty of remedies for their “Syndrome of the Big Void”.
Year by year the SBV struggles to take over their poor bodies and their helpless minds and year by year those sad people find a new remedy – something to wake them up. Last year it was a big splash of power across the mountains (there was fire and houses ruined and songs forgotten and melodies lost and words bitten back, deep at the back of the throat). This year they have just taken up an unconventional job – to do for someone else what they can’t do for themselves – find that essence that brings them to life and then takes it back. May be that will help awaken their memories and take their souls away from the dusty shelves of that forgotten land they see all around, may be that will make the five points in their list burn with vibrant colors again….
SVB 01.07.08 RR
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